There’s lame and there’s lamer. Princess Python got her start working for…wait for it…THE CIRCUS OF CRIME.
The Circus of Crime.
What can she do?
She’s a snake charmer. She has a really big snake. The snake has no special powers, or abilities, it’s just a snake.
Oh, she’s kind of a whore, too.
So she’s a *snake* charmer, if you know what I mean. The whore thing isn’t really used criminally, though. It’s just her way.
Circus of Crime.
Circus of Crime is lame enough I could’ve used them for most of these letters. Here’s the members, you can imagine their lameness by their names alone: Ringmaster, The Clown, The Human Cannonball, Bluto the Strongman, The Great Gambonnos and Live Wire.
She also joined the Serpeant Society (because it’s a snake themed team, and presumably, they needed a lady). Who aren’t as lame as The Circus of Crime, but she was totally their weak link - in fact, I think she frequently fell in love with their adversary and turned on the Society a couple of times.
Oh yeah, and apparently she was married to Stilt-Man, and then The Gibbon. I mean, you might as well just kill yourself.
Oh, hold on. I kid you not, Princess and her Circus of Crime compatriots, as a group, were defeated by Howard the Duck.
Okay, so he was designed by Bill Sienkowicz, so when drawn by him he…okay, he still looks ridiculous, but he looks stylized ridiculous.
Let’s see if I can work this out. It’s not easy.
Legion is Professor X’s illegitimate son so he’s massively super brain powered. But he’s ape shit nuts. Back when I was reading he had three personalities and each one controlled a different brain power (I’m a little Cyndi, I have pyrokinetic powers!). Are you getting this? Illegitimate son with multiple personalities?
Super soap opera.
Frankly he’s done stuff as a an attempted X-Man nemesis which is a big old mess involving time travel (yeah, he can do that), and psi-blades, and more and more personalities and absorbing people’s brains or something. I mean, he’s a total mess.
Okay, so it’s pretty hard to be a street level villain in a super hero world and not be a little lame to begin with. Sure, there are exceptions, but, you know, not really. Think about it.
You know, deep down, you don’t really take Kingpin seriously, and he’s done some really messed up stuff. And he messes up guys WITH powers.
Okay, Hammerhead is like a poor man’s Kingpin. Except he’s got a flat head with metal in it. That’s right. He has a hammer head. And he’s a poor man’s Kingpin. He’s not even, really, a very good super hero mafia leader.
He teamed up with Chameleon…when CHAMELEON was trying to be Mafia Kingpin. HE WAS PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE TO CHAMELEON.
In a desperate attempt to de-lame him, they’ve recently given him the Wolverine-Entire-Skeleton-Is-Metal treatment.
You know, I’m going to be honest. The Fixer isn’t all *that* lame.
Okay, so originally he ran around with Mentallo (Lame enough to make this list, but didn’t) and fought the Micronauts. Lame-ish.
He was frequently Baron Zemo’s No. 2 in the Masters of Evil - he’s put a hurt at one time or another on Captain America, NIck Fury, The Thing, The Black Knight. I mean, sure, he just has a bunch of gadgets but, well, they’re good gadgets.
Later on when he joined the Fake-Good-Guys-But-Really-Bad-Guys group The Thunderbolts he became Techno and acquired a truly horrendous outfit. And he did great evils. Then he became a robot and became even more evil. Nothing as evil as that outfit, though.